On June 21st, in honor of Father’s Day, my husband and I publicly announced our pregnancy, and it was one of the scariest things that I’ve done regarding this pregnancy.
I know what you may be thinking: “Scariest? Really? You’re being a bit dramatic.” But, if you are new to my blog, you may not know that last year I had an early miscarriage (you can read that post here).
Though I am beyond grateful for this answered prayer growing inside of me, I would be lying if I said that fear didn’t creep in at times, especially when it came time to share the news.
Because of Coronavirus stay-at-home orders, I had been able to keep this pregnancy a “secret,” for seventeen weeks and enjoy growing this little one for four months without being seen in public. I knew once we shared the news, the “secret” would be out, and I would have to get comfortable with people outside of our families and close friends knowing I was pregnant.
To be honest, what was driving my apprehension was my fear that my pregnancy wouldn’t be okay, and I would have to explain that we were no longer pregnant.
When we found out that we were pregnant, I was a little over four weeks. I kept thinking that if I could just make it to the 10-week mark, I would feel better, and my fears would go away because I would be past the point of the last miscarriage.
But once week 10 came, I was still nervous.
Then, I thought if I could make it to 13 weeks when the chance of a miscarriage decreases, I’ll be okay.
But instead of the fear subsiding once I reached those self-proposed milestones, the fear only remained, and the milestones moved further out.
My husband, who was excited to post our pregnancy announcement, kept reassuring me that things would be fine. He tried reminding me to surrender my fears and live in the moment.
Easier said than done.
I know that my fears were being driven by my past miscarriage. I was allowing my past to overshadow the joy I was experiencing in the present.
Although I prayed for this rainbow baby and thought I had overcome the emotions from my miscarriage, the reality of the pregnancy showed me that I still had some work to do.
When a woman gets pregnant after having a miscarriage, she’s excited, but there are times when fear tries to take over, and if she allows it, it can be crippling, and it can steal the joy of the current pregnancy.
And that’s exactly what I was allowing to happen.
If you’re a Believer, you know that the Word tells us to not be afraid. I had to make a decision that I was not going to let this fear rule me.
Even if you are not a Believer, you know that it’s not healthy to let fear cripple you.
I had to get out of my feelings and emotions. I had to let go of the “what ifs”. I had to speak against the fear because I want to enjoy this pregnancy, and I want to celebrate each moment.
The first step to relinquishing my fears was to publicly share our good news – our answered prayer. Then, I went back to the pregnancy affirmations I wrote early on. Similar to daily affirmations, I focused them on my mindset and my pregnancy.
Each day, I declared the following.
- God protects me and my child.
- I was chosen to be this baby’s mother.
- My body is equipped to carry and birth this child.
- My baby has a destiny and a purpose.
- My baby is growing healthy and strong.
- I choose to enjoy this pregnancy.
Understand, this is not going to be a one-and-done moment. It is a process – a continual walk and daily surrender of my fears because they do come back.
And when they do, I pray and revisit my affirmations. I guard my mind and protect my peace. I try to be selective with the information I allow myself to access.
Even on the days I experienced bleeding during the first 18 weeks, and the doctor’s office was already closed, I had to walk through this process and calm myself down.
I also focus on what is true in the moment and the miracle growing inside me. For me, this means focusing on my positive doctor visits and the ultrasound images I have of my little man. Once I started to feel his movements, I focused on that.
Remember, it’s a daily walk and renewal of the mind, not a quick fix.
If you are walking through pregnancy after loss and you need a friend to walk through this journey with you, I am an email away.
Xo
-P
Note: The list of pregnancy affirmations above is not the full list. If interested in my full list, feel free to contact me.
Living Her Vision 
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